“How has sex work changed your perception of men? For better, or for worse?” is a common question that myself and other sex workers receive.

My answer is both and at the same time, neither. Let me explain.

I was told that men, especially the kind to visit sex workers, are bad. But as I wrote more in depth in my other post about my clients, I discovered that most of them are nice. Many of them are great, even. Before this I haven’t had many chances to befriend boys and men, so they were always kind of mystical to me. In school and in civi job, my interaction with them was always for work, rather than a human to human connection itself. But as a provider I always try to create an environment where anyone can feel comfortable to express themselves and be vulnerable. This has allowed me to see a side of them that they tend not to reveal to the rest of the world. Because of that, I am more empathetic of them. The compersion of making them feel more comfortable and happy is why I love this work so much, and witnessing their compersion for me really warmed my heart.

But at the same time, dealing with men have proven increasingly frustrating.

I don’t think I’m the type to see only the best in people, but I certainly don’t assume the worst of people. Before sex work, never would I ever have thought that so many people would think absolutely nothing of making an appointment and then just no-showing without even reaching out to cancel, completely wasting someone else’s time. That people would be that inconsiderate simply did not occur to me until I started escorting. When I started, I have never thought that some people would make “appointments” with no intention to actually show up to begin with, just to jerk me around, until it happened to me. I have witnessed so many disgusting manipulation and gaslighting tactics men use to break us down. I have encountered awful men all my life, but those whom I encountered as an escort was vicious beyond not just my civi experience but also my imagination.

In conclusion, I would say that sex work enabled me to see the best and the worst of men. My understanding of men have certainly become more nuanced and comprehensive. But I would say that overall, it’s net neutral. I do not view men in general in a more positive or negative light. After all, men are not a monolith.